5 Steps on How to Move On
The phrase ‘to move on’ is often termed as easier said than done. We’ve all gone through a certain experience or experiences in our lives where it seemed like everything had come to an end and we would mutter things like “Oh! I’d never be able to get over this”, “How do I live without her?”, “He broke my heart; I’ll never be able to live without him”, “I’ll never love another”, “After all my investments and sacrifices, he left me and got married to someone younger”, “How do I live without you?” And so on.
After years, you think back and ponder on how you moved on after that experience.
Today, I installed an application (Unfollowers App) to see Instagram handles that had unfollowed me on my Instagram official handle due to some reasons. Upon logging in, I got my answers. I decided to do same for my personal account and discovered that a bosom friend of mine had unfollowed me. I had been trying to get in touch with her for quite some time plus I spent more time on my official handle @rayche_speaks than on my personal handle. I checked to see if the action was intentional. Alas! She had uploaded recently.
The CIA detective in me came alive. After carrying out series of tests, I discovered that my messages had not been delivering because I had been blocked. Oh! You have no idea the amount of pain I felt. I couldn’t believe it and to think that the note which I wrote while saving her contact read ‘The bestest of the best’. To pacify myself, I concluded with “such is life, she has her reasons for doing this”. I processed for some minutes and since I love to write, I picked up my pen and this article came forth.
Back to the topic, “Steps on How to Move On “. Since this experience is peculiar to almost everyone and some others do not even realise that they have been blocked until they get to heaven, I’ll list some steps to take when you want to move on.You may feel at this point what does she have to say. This could just be one-sided since from her story, it was her friend involved. What about how to move on after experiencing a heartbreak?
This article is applicable to how to move on after a breakup. Some people didn’t get their Prince charming or princesses at the first relationship trial; they had to kiss some frogs and ‘frogesses’ (I had to look up for what a female frog is called. I didn’t see a peculiar name hence the use of frogesses)
Back to the focus, to move on effectively, efficiently and really move on;
- Carry Out a Personal Assessment Survey: Here you ask yourself the question – did I do something wrong? To be able to actually answer this question, you will have to replay the events in the relationship including the things that you felt didn’t really matter then. Probably there’s something you didn’t do well.
- Carry out an Assessment on the Other Party: After carrying out a personal assessment, you wouldn’t want to arrive at a conclusion based on your own view since it takes two to tango and you two ‘tangoed’ previously. Try to place yourself in his or her shoes and view the relationship based on his or her perspective. Doing this would prevent selfish cases of comments like, “he was a cheat “, “men are scum”, “women are scum” and many others. You would say that it is almost impossible to see it in his or her view without being sentimental. In order to do this, just ask him or her. You will need to know the person’s reason for ending things. You can only know if you ask the question why because then you would know what went wrong, when it went wrong, and how it went wrong.
- Post Evaluation: Having heard from the other party, now you know what went wrong, when and how it went wrong because you know why it didn’t work. You will need to make some evaluations. You will ask questions like, “Is what he or she said right?”, “Was I actually the person that committed an offence?” You will have to ask yourself questions. Which you would answer honestly because you would need to be at peace with yourself and you need it for yourself.
- The lesson: Having carried out the actions or steps listed above, you will ask yourself these questions; “What did I learn from all these things?”, “What should I do in my next relationship and what should I avoid?”, “In what areas do I need to improve on myself to become a better person and make my next relationship work?”, “What were the signs I ignored?” Also, you will need to know the personalities of people to be able to effectively relate with people. I will recommend the book “Why You Act The Way You Do-Tim LaHaye. Having done this, there is one last step to go.
- Forgive (Truly Forgive): Some of you might be a little enraged here and think to yourself, “Why is she telling me to forgive? She has no idea what I experienced and lost in the process.” I completely understand. I wrote an article – Can I ever truly forgive?. It is essential to forgive because your heart is carrying out enough task and your mind is processing enough things. Downloading another person and caching that large file in your memory is too harmful to your device (you) . It has been medically proven that forgiveness is essential to enjoy good health. Biblically, forgiveness is essential for your sins to be forgiven. You can Google it.
If you say that you have forgiven someone and every time something about the person comes to mind, you become angry and resentful; then my dear, you haven’t truly forgiven. You could say that it is easy to forgive but we are humans, we can’t forget. I am not saying you should forget. You have a perfect functional memory so it is almost impossible to forget. To easily overcome this, forgive to a point that when you remember the person and the experience, it doesn’t hurt anymore. After all, you have learnt one or two things from that experience.
Whenever such experience tries to make you feel bitter, remind yourself – “I choose to forgive because it is necessary and the right thing to do”
Having done the steps above, then you can move on. It is essential to move on because you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with you because you would be dating yourself technically. You’ll be the only one constantly making effort to make the relationship successful. You’ll be the only one making sacrifices and a lot of other things. You wouldn’t blame the him when he begins to cheat on you; after all you forced him into the relationship; he doesn’t want to be with you.
You will have to deal with a lot of actions meted out to you. These actions range from abuse and battering, cheating, sexual abuse and many others. When these come on board, hmmm… It is no longer love. It takes two to make efforts, sacrifices, input and a host of others to make a relationship work.
Make that move now!